Moony
by CrazieDasie
Summary: The many moons of Remus J. Lupin. RemusSirius Updated: Chapter 7:The Sturgeon Moon, where Remus is told to never go outside again.
1. The Snow Moon

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, events and/or places that are recognized as being written and created by J.K. Rowling. J.K. Rowling owns all the characters and places from the Harry Potter books including the ones used in this story.**_  
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A/N: Hello everyone! This is my take on Remus's life. There will be 12 (maybe 13) chapters. Each will take place at a different time in Remus's life, and will be themed around the name of the Full Moon that cooresponds to the month the chapter takes place in. I hope that makes sense, hahaha. It will also be an R/S story, obviously. Happy reading, if you choose to! (Also, if anyone likes my writing style, I have posted some original stories which you can find on the link under homepage in my profile. Just incase you feel really bored!)

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_February_

_Remus's 2nd year at Hogwarts_

They could have been in a snow globe. The way the sky was heavy and low. It stretched far and curved down. Enclosing everything in its arch. Trapping Hogwarts in a secure gray embrace.

And of course there was the snow. Falling in rapid, perfect, tiny balls of ice and clouds and cold.

Remus was lying sprawled on the soft snow next to their new favorite tree. He held his double gloved hands out, catching a couple perfect flakes in his palms. He had two and a half holes in his own gloves. James wordlessly threw him an extra pair before they bounded outside. Remus was always grateful for the James he knew. The James who did nice things and didn't need to point them out for the sake of being revered.

Being in a snow globe wouldn't be bad, Remus thought. Things never changed in a snow globe. Especially the weather, but the scenes too; and the people. Remus wouldn't have minded sitting in that spot forever, staying right where he belonged.

When Remus's perfect white world was turned up side down and thrown about, the gray sky replaced by equally gray eyes, Remus realized why people probably don't live in snow globes. There was that whole being shaken part.

"Sirius," Remus said gently. "I was having a moment."

Sirius rose up on his hands, the lower half of his body still holding Remus's down. "Well, now _we're_ having a moment." Sirius smiled down at Remus. His cheeks were red, and so was his nose. His dark hair was escaping from under his wool hat, and each one of his eyelashes was holding up a tiny star of snow. Sirius was winter. Remus smiled back at him, but it was slow and secretive; the kind of smile a wintery Sirius Black deserved. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" Sirius asked, suddenly looking nervous.

"No," Remus laughed up at him.

"Good." Sirius rolled off of Remus and landed on his back to the right of him. "Remus? I think I've solved world famine."

Remus closed his eyes against the onslaught of snow. "Go ahead. I'm ready."

When Sirius didn't immediately start talking, Remus turned his head and opened his eyes. Sirius was staring up at the sky, tongue lolled out catching flakes of various sizes and swallowing their melted remains. "We flavor snow."

"Oh," Remus said. "Like snow cones. Those exist. Not really a big aid in the war against hunger, though."

"No, no, no, no." Sirius turned to look at Remus. A large section of his glossy hair fell across his cheek and framed his face. "We charm falling snow so when they reach your tongue they turn into nibbles of food. No spending money, no going hungry." Sirius's eyes twinkled. They could very well have been two snowflakes trapped in endless black holes. "I'm the biggest _genius_ you'll ever have the pleasure of freezing your bits off with, Lupin." Sirius opened his mouth again, but stopped and looked curiously at the sky. "Wait, what are snow…cones?"

Remus rolled his eyes. It was his second year at Hogwarts, and he still hadn't gotten used to explaining simple things like pens to those crazy purebloods. "Snow cones are a muggle treat. It is a compact ball of ice flavored with syrups like cherry or blueberry, and then it's stuffed into a paper cone."

"Syrups, hmmm. And what do you do with them?"

Remus couldn't help stare at him with open amazement. "You eat them."

"My idea was better."

Remus laughed as Sirius sprang to his feet with a bright smile and bounded away.

"_Remus!_" The shrill voice brought Remus to his feet. Sirius galloped back to him, and wrapped his own gloved hand around Remus's scarf. "We're all going for a walk. Come on."

Sirius led him over to a small alcove of snow covered trees. "Finally," James sighed, as Remus and Sirius came to stand in front of him. He was draped awkwardly over a mound of snow. "If you wanted to take a nap, Remus, you could've stayed in the dorm."

Remus laughed. "Oh? And you three would have left me alone up there?"

James nodded, but playfully pushed Remus back so he could stand up.

Sirius strolled over to where Remus stumbled back to and slithered his arm around Remus's elbow. Remus's stomach coiled up at the contact, like the way it did whenever the pretty Ravenclaw prefect Laura smiled at him in the hall. He wanted to move away from Sirius, but Sirius didn't seem to be having any of that. "He wasn't napping. He was having a _moment_," Sirius said to James.

James laughed. "I swear you're a girl Lupin."

"Can we start walking now?" Remus turned around to see Peter or to see the vaguely human form of six overstuffed winter coats in which the unmistakable screech of Peter's voice seemed to be issuing from. "My legs are falling asleep."

"_Can_ you walk, Peter?" Remus questioned, poking Peter in the stomach.

Peter swung back his stiff arm without bending any joints (because he couldn't), and used the returning force to knock Remus out of his way. Sirius caught Remus before he could crash to the snowy ground.

"That was pretty much uncalled for," Sirius shouted. He let go of Remus once he was sure he was unharmed.

"So is wearing everything one owns," James added, watching Peter amble to a stop.

"I don't want to get sick," Peter whined. Peter Pettigrew, Remus remembered, really really hated winter.

Sirius leaned into Remus and his breath was hot and welcoming against the numbness of his earlobe. "He shouldn't drink his pumpkin juice tonight then," he whispered.

Remus shook his head. "Don't do anything, Sirius."

Sirius winked at him, and twisted his arm around Remus's again. With a slight nod, he led him further down the path, walking closely behind James and Peter, keeping a tight grip on his forearm.

"Um," Remus spoke up. "We could go talk inside, by the fire. Peter, if you're starting to feel sick or too cold."

Peter angled his body around so that he could look at Remus. His face was lit with a wide smile. "Thank you, Remus," he said with sincere gratitude. Remus watched Peter exchange looks with James. "But, I'm fine. Let's walk."

So they walked and walked. With the cold wind curling around their bodies, caressing any sliver of bare skin. With droplets of snow threatening to bury them completely if they even thought of stopping. Remus watched his breath burst from his mouth in cloudy puffs of smoke, liking the brief pocket of warmth the old air gave his face. All around them the world was white and almost silent. Their boots were making an odd chorus over the fresh fallen snow and in the distant came the twinkling sounds of other Hogwarts students laughing and playing. Next to him, Remus could hear Sirius breathing hard through his nose.

For the second time that day, Remus imagined they were in a snow globe. Walking forever, together, with no destination, no end.

"So, Remus?" James's voice shook Remus out of his make believe snow globe.

"Yes?"

"Where were you earlier this week, again?"

Remus tried so very hard not to react to that question with Sirius still holding onto his arm. His stomach without fail always turned in on itself with a violent clench whenever someone brought up one of his mysterious absences. He cleared his throat quietly and stayed calm. He just needed to stay calm, stick to his story, and Stay Calm. "My grandmother is sick. She, she's not going to make it. And my Father wants me to come see her once a month, just in case."

"Hmm," James hummed. He had his head tipped back, addressing the falling flakes. Remus slid his eyes over to Sirius who was staring at the back of James's head. "You know," James continued. "Last year, my grand_parents died_ and my mum had to fill out a _day's worth of paperwork_ to take me home for only _one_ weekend."

"Oh," Remus whispered. He forgot about that. Remus remembered suddenly going to James to console him and feeling slightly shocked to see the boy shrug and say "they were old". Remus did some quick thinking. "Maybe Dumbledore has changed the rule since then." He looked full on at Sirius, willing him to give a reaction. Sirius kept up his vigil of James's head, his jaw set tight and straight.

Remus had never felt more sick to his stomach in his entire life.

"Maybe," James said.

There was silence again. But it wasn't the peaceful silence from before. The world felt colder to Remus. His skin prickled every time a snow flake landed on his face and he desperately wanted to go inside. Even Sirius's close presence did nothing to make him feel OK. In fact, Remus then realized, that Sirius was holding onto him, to prevent him from running.

"Remus?" James asked. James wasn't the oldest of the group, barely the tallest, but there was something about the way he held his head and walked that made him the clear leader of the four of them. He had a cool calmness about him. Peter would never have the courage to question someone else's actions and Sirius would never be able to get through one round without just spitting out his point.

"Yes?" Remus answered him.

"Wasn't your grandmother sick last year too?"

Stay calm. Stay calm, stay calm. "Yes. Well, it was a different grandmother."

"Oh." James paused. "And where do you live again?"

Remus was so focused about keeping up his story he almost forgot that he didn't have to lie about that. "A small village, near Lancashire," he answered.

"That's awfully far to fly to."

"I suppose. But, I wouldn't fly there. I'd floo." As soon as the words left his mouth, Remus was positive he just said the wrong thing. Not because flooing seemed unrealistic, but because he just made himself sound like he _would_ floo there if he _had_ to floo there, which he _doesn't_. For a second he thought of saying "I mean I _do_ floo there", but he knew James and his perfect hearing wasn't going to be fooled by that.

James whistled. "You must be the world's worst floo…lander."

"Why do you say that?" Remus asked. If this whole conversation was leading up to a debate about traveling methods, he'd be the happiest boy who lived. Rather unlikely.

"You always look so _destroyed_ when you return from your _grandmother's_," James said. "Is her fireplace next to a wall or something?"

Remus sighed and pulled Sirius to a halting stop. "James, is this going somewhere?"

"Yes," James said. And he stopped walking too, and turned to look Remus right in the eye. "I was hoping to get you to just _tell_ us, mate. Because that's what we are. Mates. What, were you going to keep pretending you have deadly ill relatives for the next _five years_?"

Remus bowed his head. "Maybe. Probably." He looked at Sirius's leather covered hand, gripping his arm. "Sirius, you could let go of me. I'm not going to run."

"Oh," James scoffed, rolling his eyes. "He just feels wretched, that's why he's holding onto you for dear life. But, never mind Sirius's guilty mind. Why didn't you tell us?"

"I'm not supposed to!" Remus shouted looking imploringly at James. Dumbledore…if Dumbledore finds out you know…Please, I don't want to leave school." Remus could feel a hot lump forming in his throat.

"Remus," Sirius said. He didn't utter another word until Remus looked at him. "We will never let that happen to you."

Remus smiled, feeling weird and much older than twelve. "How did you figure it out?"

"Last September," James said immediately. "Astronomy class, remember? We had a whole lesson on the phases of the moon?"

Remus nodded. He would never forget that class. The Professor was showing slides of different full moons, and he just could not stop fidgeting in his seat. He was uncomfortable, he didn't want to look at the full moon; he was scared of it. After the sixth or seventh slide, Sirius jabbed him in the ribs and whispered: "What's the matter with you? Unless you're a werewolf and starting to change, then stay still!" He'll never forgot that class because it was the only moment so far in his short life where he hated someone more than the full moon.

"Well," James continued. "We had an observation on a full moon night and you weren't there. It took a little research, writing down the moon phase whenever you _went to visit your grandmother_. But…everything pretty much fell into place then."

"So, so, you really are a, a werewolf?" Peter asked, whispered, wobbling up behind James.

Remus looked down at his boots again. "Yes,' he said, his own voice coming out in a strangled whisper. "I'll understand if you-"

"Don't even finish that, Lupin. That's the whole point of this. We're still going to be your _friends_. Even if you _can_ kill us once a month. In fact, if I'm going to stop being your friend, it's going to be because you'd rather _study_ than watch Quidditch."

Remus looked at each one of his friends, his real friends, in turn. "Really?"

"Yes," James shouted, punching him lightly in the shoulder. His eyes passed over to Sirius, and he laughed. "Now will you please hug Sirius and tell him you forgive him before he starts crying."

Sirius scowled, but held his arms loosely open.

Remus hesitated, unsure if it was proper to hug another boy in front of friends. When Sirius's scowling eyes became wide and puppy like, Remus immediately stepped into Sirius, wrapping his arm around his thin waist, and patting him soundly on the back. "Sirius," he asked, as he withdrew back. He quickly noticed how much pressure Sirius used to hug him and stored that for later analyzing. "I'm not mad at you. Why, what do I have to forgive you about?"

Sirius busied himself with picking lint off his scarf, and shrugged. "I…my family…" Sirius sighed. "Well, what I said to you in class that one time. And…you see…my mum taught me to hate three things. Muggles, Mudbloods, and werewolves. Well, dark creatures, but especially…" Sirius gestured at Remus. Remus bit his lip. Sirius looked so anguished, it hurt. "Remus," Sirius continued. "I've said some, some really horrible things about people who are, werewolves, and…you're none of those things. And you don't deserve having those things said about you. And I can't take them back. I know I didn't say them to your face, but ever since I, we, figured out why you were really absent those times, it's all I can think about. I just…I'm really _sorry_."

"Sirius," Remus said, grabbing hold of Sirius's hands which had been gesturing wildly during his rambled speech. "It's OK. You, your _mum_ made you think those things. You didn't know any better."

Sirius nodded. "Can we still be friends?"

"How come a conversation about Remus turns into therapy time for the heir of the House of Black?" James asked loudly, throwing a snowball at Sirius's chest. Before Sirius could bend down to gather his own retaliation snowball, James launched himself at Sirius locking his arms at his side. "Snowball fights later, Black. First, I have more questions for Remus."

"Yeah," Peter said, slowly rocking his stiff body towards them. "Like where do you go to, you know-" he lowered his voice in a conspiratorial whisper. "Transform."

Remus looked around the area, and then at each of the boys. "Do you promise to never tell a soul any of this or give Dumbledore any reason to suspect that you even know what I am?" All three nodded eagerly, and honestly. With apprehension still racing through his body, and snow still falling gracefully around their tight huddle, Remus told them everything.


	2. The Worm Moon

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, events and/or places that are recognized as being written and created by J.K. Rowling. J.K. Rowling owns all the characters and places from the Harry Potter books including the ones used in this story.**

A/N: Thank you, reviewers!

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March_

_Harry's Fourth Year_

"Here just…will you….Sirius….you're going to…._will you just let me do it!_"

Sirius practically threw the razor at Remus. He didn't say anything, but his face was clearly royally pissed off.

Remus frowned, turning the razor around with his fingers. "You're hands were shaking. You don't want to cut yourself."

"Maybe," Sirius spat. "My hands wouldn't be shaking if you weren't hovering around me like a fly."

Remus didn't respond, content in pretending that was true. "May I?" He held the razor up. Sirius looked from the raiser to Remus's imploring, sad eyes, and nodded.

Remus held Sirius's chin with careful fingers and delicate touches. Slowly, he slid the side of the razor down his cheek scraping away the springy oily hairs, the dead skin, the smell of Azkaban.

"I might need something else shaved," Sirius said, out of the side of his mouth.

Remus rolled his eyes. "If you're lucky."

"Moony?" Sirius quickly grabbed Remus's hand as it drew down across his face again. "Did you…did you ever date, anyone else?"

Remus didn't want to have that conversation. He knew since the moment he saw Sirius earlier that night that he was just waiting to bring it up. Remus didn't think he'd even ever have to have _that_ conversation with Sirius. He watched the white blobs of shaving cream drop off the edge of the razor. "Thirteen years, Sirius." He reached with his thumb and caught a rather large blob before it could splash to the floor. "Of course I did."

Sirius blinked slowly. "Another bloke?" he asked.

"No." Remus shook his head. He couldn't do that. "Never. And I didn't date brunettes, in case you're wondering."

Sirius let go of Remus's hand. "I don't want to hear anymore, really," he said sadly. Sirius tilted his head to the side offering his cheek back to Remus and ending that discussion for good.

Sirius had refused to stay too far from Harry. Not with that strange tournament happening, and all the rumors. But, Sirius was desperate to see Remus again too. In the past, when they were just kids, Remus would've have told him to choose, and that he couldn't always get his way. This time, Remus couldn't do it. Maybe because Sirius had been through so much, but more likely, he was equally desperate to see Sirius.

And it was Remus's birthday. Remus didn't care about it; he doubted whether Sirius even remembered. Birthday's had become just another day to him when year after year passed and he didn't have his friends standing there, dragging him to go out. But a part of him thought it would be nice to be with someone.

So he did some research and found a small breakfast inn on the outskirts of Hogsmeade that was cheap, and allowed pets. There was only one bed. Remus knew what was going to happen in it, and he was desperate for that too.

There was no more talking for a while. Remus led the razor blade on a tour of Sirius's thin, gaunt face, until he was left slightly _less_ disheveled. Sirius always liked a bit of a 5 o'clock shadow. Remus figured thirteen years of prison wouldn't have changed that. "I think I'm done," Remus said, drawing back from Sirius.

He watched Sirius let out a shaky lungful of air, and feel around his face. "Nice job." He caught Remus's eye and leaned forward, expecting, waiting, eyes slit and hopeful.

Remus could feel himself being pulled and pushed. Inside he wanted to be happy, finally. Sirius was back, innocent, his. But that didn't change the years Remus spent trying to get over everything. He spent nights trying to turn his time with Sirius and James and Peter into a story he read once. Just a story where one of the characters happened to remind him of himself. There was also the fact that Remus wanted to move forward with his life, and Sirius wanted to go back to how things were. And it was that thought that made Remus shake his head, and leave the bathroom.

He sat on the edge of the hotel bed, waiting for the explosion.

"Remus," Sirius shouted. He stood in front of Remus, breathing heavily. "I'm not mad at you."

"You should be," Remus said, looking up at him.

"It wasn't your _fault_! You can't help what you are."

"Yes. But, please don't deny the fact that if I didn't…if I didn't rush down there, and forget to take my potion. We wouldn't be here. We'd be home. And you'd be able to leave the house as a man and not a dog."

Sirius flopped down on the bed next to Remus. After a while, Remus heard him take a deep breath. "You know what bother's me the most?" he asked the ceiling.

Remus swallowed. As he felt himself fall back, felt his shoulders hit the soft mattress, he figured to move forward he had to stop regretting the past. "What's that?"

"It's the fact that he lets him use that name. That was our name for him. We gave it to him."

Remus nodded. "I doubt he has a choice in the matter."

Sirius didn't respond. Remus could feel his fingers burning to grab onto Sirius, and it was infuriating. He fisted them at his sides. He was reminded suddenly of times where the four of them used to lay outside together. Sirius Gazing, Sirius used to call it because he thought he was being clever. Remus used to lay in between Sirius and James, and they'd all talk about everything mundane or vaguely profound, the other two oblivious to Sirius slipping his fingers into Remus's, oblivious to Remus's complete happiness.

Sirius must have been following the same thought pattern. Remus felt Sirius's bony pinky brush the side of his clenched hands before he chuckled. "Remember when we gave him that name?"

Remus tried to make himself smile. "I remember how jealous he was that he was the only one without a name for a while."

"I had _no_ sympathy," Sirius said, cutting the air with his hand. "He should have taken the _first_ name I gave him."

Remus really laughed this time. "Beady?"

Sirius laughed too. "Yeah." He turned his head to look at Remus, who simultaneously did the same thing. Sirius brought his fingers up to his eyes, pretending to squash them into tiny balls. "Because rats have those beady little eyes. _I _thought it was clever."

"Stop that," Remus laughed, batting Sirius's hands down. "He didn't really like the second name either."

"No, _James_ hated it!" Sirius sprang up, animated and familiar, so he could sit cross legged on the bed. "Fifth year. First week back. We got completely wrecked on butterbeers and James made Peter sit in his hand as a rat so he could pretend he had a pet, remember? Because he kept complaining that a pet was the only thing his parent's ever refused to buy him because they didn't like all the pet hair flying about-"

"Funny they let you move in then," Remus interrupted.

Sirius growled at him. "Yes well, so James held Peter's tail up and squinted at it, because he didn't have his glasses on, and he said 'This looks quite like a little bit of string, or something alive. What's like a bit of string but alive…?'" Sirius held his hand out, inviting Remus to speak.

"And I said, because _I _was _sober_, a worm."

"Yes! And James said 'Tail like a worm. Wormtail!'And then he was laughing for the rest of the night over that." Sirius laughed, closing his eyes. When the wave he was on settled, he sighed and started picking lint from the bed cover. "He shouldn't be letting Voldemort use that name," he whispered.

Remus patted Sirius's knee, and sat up. He tried to move his hand back to his own person, but it didn't want to move or he didn't want to let it move so he kept it there hot and heavy on Sirius's knobby knee. "Funny that he turned out to be a worm," Remus said. "And a rat."

"We should have known."

"Sirius," Remus said suddenly. He felt like someone just slapped him. Maybe James was watching them, and he too had had enough. "I don't want to do this anymore."

Sirius looked at him. In Sirius's face, Remus saw all the lines his beard was hiding, the way his bottom eye lids sagged, the way his thin skin stretched over thinner bones. Sirius's expression was sad, his eyes, his mouth. And that's not what Remus wanted to see on that beautiful face.

"Do you know what day it is?" Remus asked.

Sirius tore his eyes away from him and nodded. "Your birthday." He smiled. "I didn't get you anything."

"I didn't ask for anything. But, I'm going to now."

"Anything, Moony," Sirius whispered, looking back at Remus.

Remus took a large shaky breath. "It's not that I don't want to reminisce about James and Peter, but we need to do it in a fond way. Happy memories. I don't want this dark presence of what should have been hanging over us anymore because we can't change what happened, Sirius! We can't go back. We can't make memories come back. But we can make new ones. And that's what I want for my stupid insignificant birthday. I want to make new memories with you because I am deliriously happy to be sitting next to you right now and no one would ever know that if they walked in this room."

Sirius brought his hand up and softly rubbed at Remus's cheek. "My Moony," he whispered. "Always throwing tantrums."

"That's you," Remus said, leaning into Sirius's hand. "Or did Azkaban only rob you of _those_ wonderful memories."

"I wish they took that memory of when I saw my mum naked, but not even Dementors want to see that."

Remus laughed hard and loud. He pulled himself closer to Sirius, wormed his body into Sirius's arms.

They sat there. Eyes and hands on each other. Then Sirius's cheek twitched and he stood up. "Let's go," he said.

Remus allowed himself to be reluctantly pulled up. "Go to the other side of the room? Where are we going?"

Sirius sighed or exhaled deeply. "Outside."

"Oh?" Remus's inner schoolmarm was already lecturing him on why letting a fugitive outside would not be smart, but his feet weren't listening. "You're going to go dog, right?"

When Sirius looked back at him, his eyes were bright and filled with life. "It's dark, Moony," he said, voice lit with slow laughter. "No one's going to know I'm me. Unless I stand next to one of my own posters and glower menacingly no one's going to even bat an eye; if anyone is even out this late."

"It's going to really deeply scare me to leave you alone now," Remus said. He had a brief moment of intense nervous anxiety when he saw Sirius's fully grown _human_ body leave the hotel room. It was really dark out though, so he squeezed tighter onto Sirius's hand and followed obediently.

Sirius was a risky, no rules kind of guy for sure. But whether it was for Remus's sake or because inside he knew what was at stake, he kept them in shadows, against building walls, close together under wide trees.

Eventually they passed through a tight circle of trunks and walked into an open space surrounding a small pond. The night sky was everywhere. Stars and galaxies and distant moons and the moon's shining new face looking down at them. Remus stared up at it all and sank to the ground. He stretched his legs out in front of him, and allowed the cool March air to brush across his face. He wanted to ask Sirius if he wanted to go Sirius Gazing, but remembered his new idea of making _new_ memories and felt if anyone should be following that new idea it should be the person that made it up in the first place.

"Hey, Moony?"

"Yes?"

It was pitch black all around but somehow Remus was still able to feel Sirius's shadow pass over him. "What's like a bit of string but alive?" Remus tipped his head back.

"A wor-_ah!_ Ack! _Aaaa_k! T's 'oin' 'n ma mowth, Adfoo'!"

"Sorry," Sirius roared. He was shaking with laughter, body spread out on the forest's floor. Meanwhile, Remus was trying desperately to blindly flick a rather perturbed worm off his face. It was slimly. That was the only thing going through his head. _This is slimy. This is gross and slimy!_

As soon as his stubby nails pierced the slithering bug, he threw it in the vague direction of Sirius's laughter. "You really need to stop making so much noise before someone comes and sees you and _drags you back to prison_."

Sirius nodded, and his barking laughter died down to breathy puffs of air. "That was classic. I wish you could have seen your face."

"You dropped a worm in my mouth," Remus said, lamely pointing out the obvious. Maybe it was funny in a general way, but really now his mouth tasted like last year's dirt and who knew what horrible diseases that thing was carrying.

"They're all over here, you know," Sirius said, surveying the area around him. "We should go fishing."

"We should go inside."

"We should kiss because it's your stupid, insignificant birthday, and I'm doing my best at making us a new memory and so far the scene where I dropped a worm in your mouth has been the best part."

"I bet the worm didn't enjoy it."

Sirius, from the recesses of his Azkaban haunted mind, pulled out his infamous slow smile where his lips puffed up and the right side stretched up a tiny bit more than the left. He crawled across the dirty, worm strewn ground to Remus, who was really, _really_ pretending to look annoyed; at that moment, Remus had kind of forgotten what annoyed was supposed to look like or even what it was. Sirius's face was a breath away now, and he looked satisfied. "I'd bet the worm is rather sorry he left," Sirius whispered, and dropped something not at all like a bit of string into Remus's waiting mouth.


	3. The Pink Moon

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, events and/or places that are recognized as being written and created by J.K. Rowling. J.K. Rowling owns all the characters and places from the Harry Potter books including the ones used in this story.  
**

A/N: Thank you to anyone who read and/or reviewed!!!!! And I promise the next chapter will have tons more Remus/Sirius yumminess!!

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_April_

_Harry's Firth Year_

"Is it like, impossible for you to have fun?" Tonks stood in front of Remus and her height was almost a joke. He felt like how Hagrid probably felt every day of his life, when really Remus wasn't _that_ tall. He had a suspicion that Tonks _made_ herself shorter. It was all apart of her Aren't I Cute And Fairy-Like image. Remus hated it.

"It _is_ impossible," Remus said, stepping back from Tonks. "I won an award actually. A beautiful brass trophy that read Most Boring Man in Existence. I had to sell it to buy food once, a while back." Remus stopped talking then because while he didn't actually have any trophies or really anything brass he did have to sell quite a lot of things to keep himself surviving. And maybe that wasn't really funny.

"Wow," Tonks said, rolling her eyes. "Way to desecrate an already dead and buried mood."

"Sorry," Remus mumbled. The two of them were on a small mission, a watch more like. They were stationed in a park across from a restaurant were Dumbledore suspected an impromptu Death Eater's meeting was taking place. So far the only thing they saw close to a Death Eater's meeting were two stray cats breaking bread over a lifeless raven. They probably could have left the scene twenty minutes ago, but Remus was secretly ashamed to admit that he needed a break from the depressed lump of human flesh otherwise known as Sirius Black.

Everything was dark all around them. The fresh green grass and the brown tree bark and the silver metallic glimmer of the slides and swings were all muted down to different shades of dark gray. There was no moon or stars to light the world. Instead they hid behind endless layers of London clouds. Nothing was able to escape the shadowy darkness.

Almost nothing.

There was a certain shade of hot pink that seemed to be above all the logical rules of what standing in darkness meant.

Tonks's hair was like a fog light, alerting all passer bys that there was someone(s) lurking in the park across the street. Remus was just waiting for Lucius Malfoy to recognize the distant Order Members Are In The Vicinity advertisement and kill them right there in front of the poor innocent slide.

Tonks's hair also bothered him on a personal level. It was pink. It was pink and she had the ability to choose any color in the world and she chose pink. And the thing that bothered Remus the most was that she obviously never thought about her hair before she dressed in the morning. One time she wore an orange and yellow shirt with a salmon skirt and Remus wanted to gag on his eggs.

Now, Remus Lupin was no fashion god by any means. Unless tweed jackets with elbow patches were back in style. But he knew his colors. He knew what matched. He knew that red bows had no place in pink hair.

Molly tried to convince him that eccentric hair and clothes was what made Tonks, Tonks. She had a bright personality that no normal shade of brown or black or blonde could keep up with. Tonks was bright pink like Severus Snape was greasy.

He tried, really tried to agree with her, (he agreed about the Severus Snape part), but he just couldn't bring himself to not squint his eyes in confusion whenever he saw that unnaturally short girl enter a room.

There was also something else, something deeply terrifying about Tonks, and Remus knew he was just using her hair as an excuse.

"Loooo….peeen," Tonks's hissed. "While watching you pace in silence is…number _two_ on my list of the top ten things I love doing, I really think you should help me with my idea."

Remus stopped pacing and squinted his eyes at her. "No."

"Oh, come on," Tonks whined. "We need one!"

"That is the last thing we need." Remus laughed and squished himself onto one of the empty swings. "Plus, if everyone likes it and thinks its funny, and Sirius had nothing to do with it…he'll…I don't even want to tell you how enraged with jealousy he'll be."

Tonks rolled her eyes, and slipped behind Remus. "Cousin Sirius needs to lighten up!"

"What are you doing?" Remus squeaked very unmanly-like when he felt his body rock forward with a hard jerk.

Tonks grabbed the ropes holding the swing up and steadied Remus so that his back was pressed against her front. She leaned forward, lips almost touching the soft bottom of his ear lobe. "Giving you the ride of your life, Lupin," she whispered, low and dark.

Remus felt Tonks push his back again and he was sent soaring forward. There was that feeling again, in the pit of his stomach. That horrifying feeling that chilled him to his bones. He brushed it away and focused on watching the ground disappear and reappear and disappear and reappear.

"Do you know, Lupin," Tonks said. "How much I'd pay to watch Severus Snape sing?"

"Nothing short of forcing him to snog Mundungus would get him to sing. Actually, I take that back."

Tonks's laughed, covering her face with her hands and forgetting that she was supposed to be pushing Remus. As gravity would have it, Remus and the swing came down from Heaven and bowled Tonks's right over.

"Whoa," Remus shouted, digging his feet in the sand to halt the swing.

Tonks's groaned and laughed from the floor. "I think I'm internally bleeding," she moaned. Remus reached down to grab onto her writs and lifted her up. "You've killed me," she said, falling limply against his chest.

Again. The terror filled feeling of utter doom settled over his body.

"You should have been paying attention." He tried to push her away as fast as he could but she wasn't having any of that.

"You shouldn't have put the image of Snape kissing Dung into my poor innocent mind." Remus watched Tonks's eyes widen as she looked over his shoulder. "Oh no! Death Eaters!"

Remus spun around, wand at the ready. "Where?" he hissed.

Tonks snorted, came around and nudged him in the side with her hip. "Just making sure you still remember why where here, Lupin," she said.

"Nymphadora," Remus said. "As your _elder_, is it is my responsibility to inform you that if you ever scare me like that again, I will hurt you. I can do it too, you know." Remus pointed at himself. "Werewolf."

Tonks scrunched up her nose. "Must you say _elder_ like that. You're only like, what…"

"Fourteen _years_ older than you."

"Seconds on the timeline of the universe, my friend." Tonks stood up on her toes to look over at the ominous restaurant they were supposed to be keeping constant vigilance over. "Will you at least listen to what I got so far?"

"No." Remus doesn't understand why, but he felt weird. Tonks just _ignored_ the mention of his condition; like she didn't even care about it. He shivered. He's completely creeped out by her.

"I'm thinking about going to grab some food. I don't _think_ any Death Eaters are in there."

Remus swiftly grabbed her arm and directed her over to the seesaw. He remembered something like this happening a long time ago; when he and Sirius were babysitting…her. Remus groaned and turned off the valve to that creepy for an entirely different reason memory. "I'll tell you this, I'll listen to what you've got and I'll offer help, but I refuse to be credited with this idea."

Tonks narrowed her eyes and slid, what one could only describe as seductively, down onto the seesaw seat.

Remus swallowed. He'd never been so scared in his entire life. He looked at her awful pink hair and felt a little bit better. He walked over to the other seat and pushed down so he could climb on to it without knocking himself to the ground.

"Alright," Tonks said, as she rose higher from the ground. "The Order of the Phoenix is really cool. We're gonna send Voldemort back to school. If you see us comin', you'd better watch out. 'Cause you know what the Order is all about. We're here to bring evil to an end. The Order of the Phoenix is your friend." There was a pause. "That's the first verse."

There was another pause. "I think my ears are bleeding."

Tonks crashed to the ground. "It's not _that_ bad."

"You're right," Remus bounced hard to switch their positions. "My brain is melting as well."

Tonks glared down at him from above. "And what's so bad about my Order theme song?"

"For one, the rhyming is just…_horrendous_. It sounded like something you sing while you skip rope."

Tonks swung her legs in indignation. "And?"

"And you said Voldemort. People aren't going to like to hear _that_ in a theme song."

"OK, you have one valid point."

Remus gently eased himself off the seesaw to lower Tonks to the ground. "My other point was valid too."

"Well, after you hear the second verse-"

Remus laughed, and walked over to Tonks. "Oh, I don't think so."

Tonks dug her heels into the ground, and crossed her arms over her chest. "You're just not in the right demographic. It's more for Ginny's age group really."

"Oh please," Remus said, crouching down to Tonks's level. "Please sing it to her next time we're all together."

Tonks turned to face him. "Look at you," she said. "All red faced and _delighted_. Just laughing at my expense."

"Tonks. You have hot pink hair. I'm always laughing at your expense."

Tonks's mouth fell open. "Remus Lupin! Leave my beautiful locks out of this. What's wrong with pink anyway?"

"It's obnoxious, it's too bright, it doesn't look natural, it-"

"Alright!" Tonks pushed her chin up. "You know, I could be a girl right now and raise the tenor of my voice and ask you what your favorite color is or what your ideal girl's hair color would be, and then make myself all over for you. But, I'm not going to do that. Because that's not who I am."

"I know," Remus said. _Good_, he wanted to also add. Because he didn't want Tonks to like him; _he_ didn't like her. He _can't_ like her. His stomach was churning and he could feel his fingertips shaking.

Then Tonks's did the most horrible, terrifying thing possible. She put her hands on his knees and leaned in closer to him. "But…you just might be _worth_ the change," she whispered.

And Remus kissed her. He couldn't help it. He thought about his poor Sirius at home, alone, waiting for him, as Tonks wrapped her small arms around his neck. He thought about how much he loved Sirius, was _in_ love with Sirius, as Tonks, without pulling their lips apart, pushed him to the ground.

Tonks moaned and clung to him. She was soft and nice and Remus didn't really mind kissing her. He _was_ attracted to her. The great fear Tonks installed in him every time she was near was _suffocating_ him.

She kissed his lips, his neck, sucked on his Adam's apple. But no matter how attracted he was to her, there was something hollow about the whole thing. Every time something should have felt good, it didn't, and he kept wishing she was Sirius.

Tonks pulled on his arms and made them roll over, so that she was lying on her back in the dirt, in a children's park, possibly in front of Death Eaters.

Remus didn't feel _guilty_. That wasn't it. He didn't feel like he was cheating or betraying. He just _wanted_ Sirius. Why was he making out with this girl when his best friend and lover was home waiting for him?

Tonks would never understand that. He'd have to fall back on his old excuse. He hadn't used it in years.

Remus pulled his mouth and his body of off Tonks. She whined, lying on the ground looking completely disheveled.

"We can't do this," Remus said, in as much of a gentle voice as he could muster.

"Yes, we can," Tonks responded, propping herself up on her elbows. "We _were_ doing it. Just fine, I might add."

Remus sighed. "_I_ can't," he said.

"Why the bloody hell not, Remus?" Tonks sprang to her feet.

Remus swallowed. "Sirius," he ventured.

Tonks started laughing. "_Sirius_? What does he have to do with anything? This is about you and me!"

"I'm wrong for you," Remus tried.

"I know what's wrong for me or what isn't. And you're nothing but rights."

"I'm too old."

"I don't care about age."

"I'm a-"

"I don't care about that either!"

Remus rolled his eyes. She had an answer for everything. He wondered how long this infatuation had been going on. It sounded to him like something she'd been thinking about for longer than should have been allowed. He didn't know what else to say to her. The last thing he wanted to do was break her heart. It was late, and he was tired, and even though he's been grating on his last nerve lately, Remus just wanted to go see Sirius.

"Tonks," Remus said, he reached out to grab her hand. He entwined their fingers together and watched a frown map itself across the usually bubbly face. "I do like you. Quite a lot. But, I'm not for you. I'm sorry. I can't do this."

Tonks tore her hand away, inhaled deeply, and glared up at him. "It's my _hair_, isn't it?"

"…what?"

"You _hate_ the color pink so _much_ you refuse to be with me!"

Remus wanted to laugh, throw himself on to the ground and laugh until his ribs broke. "Tonks, no-"

"Well, _Remus Lupin_," Tonks continued. "I'm _not_ changing my hair and I am _not_ giving up on you."

"Um-" Remus was at a complete loss for words.

"I'm going to play hard to get now. I'm going to completely ignore you, until I see you snap. And you will snap, Lupin. One day, you'll be sitting there and you'll want me, need me. Pink hair, be damned!"

"O…K…" Remus was holding his breath. He could feel his insides vibrating and probably imploding from amusement.

"Or maybe…" In the overcast of darkness, with her pale face and bright hair, Tonks looked certifiably insane. Remus took a step back from her. "Yes. Every day I'll ask you to stop being an _idiot_ and go out with me. Every day, Remus. Until you realize that it's OK to love me!" Tonks pushed past him, making sure to rub her entire length against his side.

Remus was counting back and forth from one to ten over and over in his head. He was petrified. He watched Tonks swing her hips as she walked away from him, and he. Was. Petrified. She made his insides churn with what was probably something completely different, but he called it panic because if he for one second admitted to himself that maybe he did fancy Nymphadora Tonks…he _would_ snap.

Tonks stopped in front of the slide, and turned to face Remus. "I'll see you tomorrow, _Lupin_," she said, blew him a rather suggestive kiss, and disappeared from sight.


	4. The Flower Moon

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, events and/or places that are recognized as being written and created by J.K. Rowling. J.K. Rowling owns all the characters and places from the Harry Potter books including the ones used in this story.**_  
_

Hello!! If anyone is following this story, _last _chapter was about She Who Shall Not Be Named or Tonks, but _this _chapter is back to Sirius/Remus loveliness!! I'm trying to do a vaguely canon look at Remus's life. Vaguely meaning lots more of him kissing Sirius than there is in the books. Enjoy!

* * *

_May_

_Remus's sixth year at Hogwarts_

"Hel_loooooo_, _Moo_ny!"

Remus yelped and was successful at two things: blinding himself by accidentally wrapping his towel around his face and skidding in a small circle on the recently dampened floor. None of that mattered because, besides his face, he was absolutely and noticeably butt naked.

Remus felt the end happening. He couldn't see, for the love of _Merlin_ he couldn't see. Any second he was going to skid into the wall and knock himself out. Dumbledore was going to find him lying in the 6th year's boy's bathroom naked with a towel over his head and Sirius standing above him looking suspicious. At least he'd leave this world knowing Sirius Black would pay.

He yelped again as he felt two large, bony hands wrap around his hips. "Whoa there," Sirius laughed into his ear, or into the towel pulled over his ear.

"I'm OK," Remus panted. He pulled the towel from his head, pushing his hair in every direction. Remus looked down at his right hip. "You're touching me."

"Yeah?"

"I'm naked."

"So?"

He swiveled back slightly to look at Sirius. "Why'd you call me Moony?"

Sirius sniggered. Remus watched those glorious grey eyes roll down towards Remus's…

"Don't answer that," Remus said, blushing so hard he could feel the heat on his cheeks.

Sirius shrugged, squeezed Remus's hips and then let go. "Well, you shouldn't have that out for display then."

"It wasn't _out for display_." Remus turned around and watched Sirius's glorious gray eyes roll down towards his…

Remus wrapped his towel around himself and if it was possible to blush more, he just invented it. "Here's a lesson the many nannies of the Ancient and Most Noble House forgot to teach their paychecks."

"Noble and Most Ancient," Sirius corrected leaning against one of the sinks. He motioned for Remus to carry on.

"If a door is closed…" Remus stepped up close to Sirius. "You _KNOCK!_"

Sirius coiled back, shoving his hands over his ears. "Maybe I did knock and you didn't hear me."

Remus sent him the dirtiest look he could muster, which was pretty dirty; it involved half-lidded eyes and an angry pout. "Don't lie to me. You apparated in somehow and you know it. I didn't even hear the _door_ open!"  
Sirius rose onto the tips of his toes and hunched his back. "That's because I'm a secret undercover agent able to silently enter any impenetrable fortress," he said, creeping stealthily in Remus's direction.

"Yeah," Remus laughed, pushing Sirius away. "You're a regular padfoot. You're definitely _not_ the loudest person on Earth _I've_ ever met."

"Moony," Sirius whined.  
Remus turned from him and went back to his mirror. He had lived six blissful years without getting a nickname. He didn't want a nickname. He didn't see the point of them when he had a perfectly nice short name to be called by if someone needed to call him. The last thing he wanted was strangers asking him why his friends called him Daffodil all the time (which he, thank the higher powers, convinced James to not call him). Remus grabbed his hair brush. "Are you going to stop calling me Moony?"

Sirius shook his head, grinning. "Not this time, Daffodil." Sirius jumped up onto the other sink, either not noticing or pretending to not notice that the faucet was on. "We need secret identities anyway. For The Map."

Remus started fiercely brushing his hair. That year he grew it out so that it fell just around his shoulders. And secretly, he was in _love_ with it. "I guess Moony is fine. The others will think it has something to do with what I am and not…"

"You're fine _ass…_ets?"

Remus didn't think it was possible to blush as much as he was now. He could see it all over his reflection. It started in his cheeks and led a blotchy red trail down his neck, over his collar bone, across his chest. He ignored Sirius's comment. Maybe it was meant to be witty and totally Sirius, but it was comments like those that made Remus think too much. Think about things that were just too impossible to be true.

"Well, I didn't mean for that to cause a round of awkward silence," Sirius said. He looked behind him. "Am I sitting in a sink of water?"

"Yes," Remus said.

Sirius jumped from the sink. His pockets were dripping water and the wet fabric was morphing itself very suggestively to his legs.

Remus brushed his hair. Stared straight ahead at his reflection and brushed his hair.

"Guess I can skip the shower now, huh Moony?"

Remus made a sound of assertion or wonderment. He couldn't be sure because the sound he made coincided with the sound of a zipper being pulled. The next sound was wet fabric smacking the floor.

"Sirius, can't you wait till I leave?" _Please wait till I leave, please wait till I leave._

"But I was all wet." Remus watched Sirius's reflection step up behind him. He had taken his shirt off too which wasn't even slightly moist and therefore had no reason to be taken off at all. Remus tried not to look at Sirius's tight torso or the coarse black hair trailing down from his belly in a perfect straight line and concentrated on brushing his hair.

"You do realize," Sirius said. "That you've been brushing _air_ for the past five minuets?"

"What?" Remus snapped into reality and realized that he was moving his brush in a brushing manner a good two feet away from anything resembling hair. He frowned and brought his hand down. He was sixteen. Sixteen and the object of his nightly, daily, mid-afternoon, morning, dawn, dusk, twilight, midnight wanks was standing behind him naked. Remus may be a werewolf, but he was also a human.

"Sirius?" Remus turned around to face his friend and it took everything he had in him to keep looking at Sirius's face. Sirius would never let him live it down if he was caught checking him out. "Is there a reason you're in here bothering me?"

Sirius's cocky façade collapsed and he nodded. "Yes, Remus, oh I forgot I'm calling you Moony now. Yes, Moony." Sirius took a deep breath. "There's something I need to ask you. Something I want you to do that boys don't usually or ever do with each other."

Remus instantly made up his mind that whatever Sirius asked him the answer would be yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

"Remember last night I had Quidditch practice? Well, it was really _really_ windy out."

_And the wind made you realize you want me_, Remus's poor, wishful thinking imagination finished for him.

"I should have put my hair back, but I didn't. And now…" Sirius reached behind his head and dragged a large chunk of hair over his shoulder. "Now I've got this huge _knot!_ And I can't get it out and I don't want to use magic because…it's my hair! And, well….I was hoping Remus, Moony, that you'd..." Sirius stepped up closer to Remus and whispered, "Brush it for me."

Once Remus remembered he wasn't living in a dream sequence and this was indeed reality, he started laughing. "Are you-?"

"Yes," Sirius shouted. "I'm serious. You're the only one, Remus. James and Peter don't understand the precise art of hair management like we do." Then, to Remus's horror, Sirius did the one thing Remus was never able to resist. He dipped his chin down so that his fringe fell like a sheath veil over his face. He made his eyes round and big and glistening. And then with an overextended bottom lip, he said, "Moony."

"Go get a chair or something," Remus said quickly, mostly to block out the voice in his head. Meanwhile, the voice in his head was trying to figure out what to say to make Sirius never tell James and Peter about Remus's new nickname and make it something special only Sirius called him because really, right then in Remus's life, Sirius was all that mattered. Remus found himself overwhelmed with the idea that maybe if Sirius owned his name, he would own Remus too. Not that it mattered though. Sirius already did own him.

Sirius with much glee and arm flailing galloped back into the dorm room and returned with one of the desk chairs. He placed it down in front of Remus.

Remus stared at Sirius who was bouncing in place. "Really?" he sighed. Sirius tilted his head to the side with questioning confusion. Remus pointed to the chair. "Sit," he said and laughed as Sirius immediately bounced himself into the seat. "Oh, wait. Up!" Remus, holding tightly to his towel, ran across the bathroom and grabbed another fresh, fluffy, Gryffindor red towel. "Here," he said, thrusting the towel at Sirius and looking up at the ceiling.

Sirius didn't even make an attempt to grab it. "What do I need this for?"

"Well, I don't…I don't see why you have to be…you're _naked_!"

"So?"

"_So?_" Remus finally brought his eyes down to look at Sirius. "So, I'm brushing your hair and you're sitting there naked! Doesn't that bother you? It's bothering me." Although, to be honest, it was bothering him for reasons he couldn't actually admit to.

Sirius put his hands on his very naked hips and sent Remus eyes that could only be defined as smoldering. "Moony," he said, low and husky. "Don't you like the way I look naked?"

_Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's why it's bothering me!_ What he said was, "Please just put the towel on? I don't have all day, Sirius. I have somewhere to be soon."

Sirius grunted and snatched the towel from Remus's hand, and sat back down.

"Thank you," Remus whispered. Remus picked up his hair brush and a girly trill of excitement ran down his spine when he thought about how his old dead hairs stuck in his brush were going to mix and mingle with Sirius's old dead hairs. _Save it for your diary, Miss Lupin_, he could hear James's voice say to him as he went to stand behind Sirius. "If I'm hurting you, please tell me to stop."

"Don't stop," Sirius tried to moan, but it came out as a barking laugh.

"Is everything a joke to you," Remus said, smacking Sirius on the shoulder with the back of the hairbrush.

"I'm sorry," Sirius laughed. "Stop blushing. I'm sorry, I forgot you're a delicate little flower."

Remus grabbed the top of Sirius's skull and roughly turned it back to face the mirror. "Where's the knot? Oh." The left side Sirius's hair was normal; shiny, so dark brown it could almost be black, a slight curl at the bottom but silky and arranged perfectly. The right side was one big triple knotted mess that Remus was deathly afraid might have to be cut off. "How did you _do_ this?" Remus picked up the knot like an excavator surveying a new ancient find.

"The wind did it." Sirius sounded like he was two pushes away from crying.

Remus nodded, and set to work. He gently eased the brush over a smaller knot at the bottom, pulling as softly as he could to separate the tangled strands.

"Remus?"

"Hmm?"

"Where do you, _ow_, have to be soon? On a Saturday?"

Remus ducked down lower, now using his fingers to pull the knot apart. "I'm meeting Lily."

"_Ow!_ _Fuck!_ Evans?"

"Sorry." Remus managed, by pulling really hard, to separate the giant knot into two medium knots. "Yes."

"Why?"

"Because we're friends. This might hurt." Remus ripped his fingers through Sirius's hair.

Sirius started whimpering. "Might," he mumbled. "It's not a date, is it? You're not secretly dating her, are you?"

Remus rolled his eyes and looked over Sirius's head and into the eyes of Sirius's reflection. "I rather enjoy living." James wouldn't let him breathe another molecule of air if he broke the sacred oath of Anyone Who Wanted To Be Called Friend By James Potter Will Restrain From Looking At Lily Evans In Any Way Conceived As Romantically That Means You Sirius Black.

"So you're not dating her, but that still, _ow_, doesn't, _ow_, explain why you'd rather, _ouch_, spend the day with her, _ow__Remus,_ then with me."

Remus started quickly thinking about everything he would probably give up to spend the day with Sirius. The thought turning down one million Knuts came to mind, and so did the thought of giving up a cure which also meant he clearly wasn't thinking straight. After a while he said, "Lily and I have had this…meeting for lack of better word, planned since September. I can't back out of it." Remus was done untangling Sirius's hair, but he didn't want to stop touching it. His finger tips went under the dark locks, brushed against the nape of Sirius's neck and threaded into the long strands hair. As Remus brushed his fingers through Sirius's hair, the oily softness of it was something addicting. It was like running his fingers over flower petals. The feel was so different from his own more coarse hair. "You're all done," he whispered, watching his pale white fingers make four striking paths like shooting stars through a dark night sky.

"Thanks," Sirius whispered back. And Remus suddenly noticed that Sirius wasn't moving and hadn't said anything for the better part of three minutes, which was most definitely a record of some sort. Sirius was simply sitting in the chair, staring at Remus's reflection. Watching Remus watch his fingers move through his hair, which he probably felt him doing too. "Are you sure you have to go meet Evans?"

Remus nodded, meeting Sirius's eyes through their reflections and smiling. "But now with your unknotted hair, you can go tempt some lass to knot it back up for you."

"Hmm," Sirius said. He closed his eyes, leaning his head into Remus's fingers. The move was so reminiscent of a dog it made Remus laugh.

Remus's body wanted to sigh. His lungs kept reserving a pocket of air for just that purpose. He let it out slowly. "I have to go," he said.

Sirius tilted his head back and looked at him. "I know. Thank you. _Moony_."

Remus ruffled up the hair closer to Sirius's forehead. "You're welcome." Then he thought for a second and added, "Padfoot."

Sirius smiled like starlight and fiery suns. "I've never _had_ a nickname," he said, standing up and turning to face Remus. "Well, actually, sometimes my mother calls me The Family Shame. That could almost be thought of as a nickname."

"In an awful twisted way," Remus added for him.

Sirius nodded. "I like Padfoot better. Moony?" Remus could just about touch the bubble of nervous energy pulsating from Sirius. Sirius's face was an odd cross between uncertainty and determination and it made Remus develop his own small nervous cocoon.

"Yes?"

Sirius moved closer, and in an uncharacteristic moment of self-consciousness hiked his towel up. "Moony, there's something I want to do, but I can't get myself to do it, so I'm going to do something else, can I hug you?"

Remus didn't answer. He kept walking forward until his still chest hit Sirius's and his arms had no other place to go but around the other boy's shoulders. Sirius's body melded against his own. They could have morphed into one person, and Remus wouldn't have realized it. Or cared.

The arms around his waist tightened. There were hot burst of air on his neck that caused equally hot bursts to erupt in his stomach. "I'm not going to tell James and Peter why I started calling you Moony," Sirius said into Remus's hair. "I'll let them think it's a clever reference to the wolf." He laughed. "I don't want them trying to catch you naked too."

Remus was trying so hard not to read anything into what Sirius was saying or had said all morning. He couldn't let himself believe that something was possible between himself and Sirius because that was ludicrous. Sirius was just affectionate; he repeated that over and over. But sometimes, especially then, with Sirius wrapped around his body, he wondered that maybe the odds weren't against him.

"Padfoot?" Remus whispered, testing out the new name. He felt Sirius nod against his face. "What did you want to do before?"

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, pulling back from him suddenly. "You're going to be late. Go meet Lily, _er_, Evans. Just, yeah, thanks again, really. You should go."

So, Remus went.

* * *

"I will completely forget the fact that you're late if you're excuse has nothing to do with your dormmates."

Remus bit his lip.

"I am ashamed to be your friend."

Most of the Hogwarts populace thought of Lily Evans as a beautiful girl. A flower, just like her name. And she was beautiful. But mostly she was beautiful in her head and her heart. That beauty made her glow from the outside. James (and he was severely teased and ridiculed after he said it) once compared her to the enchanted rose in the story The Beauty and the Beast they had to read for Muggle Studies. "Her presence demands your attention. She's sparkling and glistening like twilight and magic in her form and in her essence, her spirit." Remus laughed just as much as Sirius, but he also thought it was almost the truest statement probably ever said about Lily Evans. He agreed to an extent that she was a flower. A flower with a thorny stem and bees hiding in her leaves. She was beautiful but she wasn't even close to being dumb and delicate. She didn't take nothing from no one. She was a spit-fire. If she was a flower she'd spit fire. Which wasn't even possible, but Lily Evans would have figured out how to do it and would have had color coated fire reserved for different victims.

"Walk with me, Lupin."

Remus laughed. "This isn't a business meeting. You can relax."

"I am relaxed." Lily inhaled and exhaled in cool and calm slow motion to prove her point. "You, however, look like you're either going to puke or burst into tears." Lily tucked her bright red hair behind her ears and peered up at Remus.

Remus grabbed Lily's shoulders, choosing to ignore any prying into his own life. "In September's prefect's meeting, you asked me to meet you here, in front of the lake, on the first Saturday of May. Why?"

Lily took a deep breath. "Please don't hate me or think less of me but I gave myself an entire year to think about this and…" Lily took another deep inhale but this time it was real. "I'm in love with Potter."

"Are you now?"

"Yes." Lily stepped back from Remus so she could properly throw her arms around in aggravation. "And I don't even _like_ him!"

"But you love him."

"Now you're getting it."

Remus laughed the laugh of a very tired and confused man. "No. I'm not."

Lily pushed him with her hip to get him to start walking. "It's like this. I can't _stand_ him because I _like_ him, and I _shouldn't_ like him because he's a _jerk_, so actually, this whole time it's _myself_ I can't stand because I _do_ like him deep down and I've just been _finding_ things to hate about him this whole time to cover up the fact that, yes, maybe, I kind of fancy him quite a bit, so really my grounds for hating him are invalid."

Remus stopped walking. "I'm going to pretend any of that made sense and just jump into my first question."

"I'm ready." Lily stepped up to him so that the toes of her shoes were completely parallel and in line with the toes of his shoes.

"Why are you telling _me_ this?"

Remus watched Lily turn to look out over the lake, her hair streaming behind her like ribbons. "I'm scared."

"What?" Remus started shaking with laughter. He grabbed on to Lily's arms to keep himself up. "He's _not_ going to turn you down."

"That's not…I'm scared he's going to act like he knew this day was coming and not be sweet and nice but loud and obnoxious and all I'm King of the Forest. Clearly, he's capable of both."

"Well." Remus really wanted to tell Lily that she was wrong and that James wouldn't get some ego boost from her confession, but he knew James _was_ capable of both. Lily stared at him. Remus could see that she wanted him to sprout with wisdom and tell her what to do. Her green eyes were begging him to help her. Remus's mind wandered all over, trying to think of a perspective to take. Trying to think of something he could relate to Lily's problem. When he found it, the words poured from his mouth.

"Lily, I don't think it'll be wise to just go right up to James and ask him out, if that's what you were thinking of doing." Lily lowered her eyes, which meant yes. "You need to…you don't even _like_ him, right? That's a problem. You don't like him because you don't know him. You know second hand stories and the face he puts on for everyone else. That's not even close to the real person he is."

"You're saying then…that I need to become friends with him first?"

Remus pushed his hair back. That was going to be his big, impressive piece of advice. His Oh Remus You Should Be Given Lots of Awards Because You're a Super Genius moment taken away like that. "Yes, yes, become friends, that's nice," he mumbled. Then he recovered because he wasn't finished. "Yes. You become friends with him. Good friends. Friends that talk to each other about everything. Like we do; me and you. Then one day you'll realize that you spend every day together and it's nice and you like it. Then you'll give up things to be with him, and you won't mind because if he's not there then what's the point anyway. And you'll become so close to him, that there could only be one possible place to go, and you'll really, _really_, want to go there."

"Then go there," said Lily.

"What?"

Lily crossed her arms in front of her and gave Remus a look that would make _mothers_ run and hide. "You _don't_ tell me everything, Remus. And you're not talking about me anymore."

Remus rocked back and forth on his heels. He had this conversation with himself for years now; it was strange to have to say it out loud. He probably didn't have to say anything; he could have pushed the conversation back to the subject of her and James and zipped up like he usually did. "What are the chances," he started, because if Lily was brave enough to admit something, then so was he. "What are the chances, honestly, of two _gay_ Hogwarts students being sorted in to the same _house_, the same _year_, given _beds five feet away from each othe_r? Becoming _best friends_? What are the _chances_?"

"Astronomical," said Lily. "But, not impossible." Remus felt Lily's soft hands grab his face, and he put his own larger hands over hers. "I've spent a _school_ year, Remus, watching your little maraudering group of friends. And I've noticed two things. One, James doesn't look or flirt with any _other_ girl. Sometimes it seems like he does it unconsciously, ignores a girl who's trying to get his attention. Like even _unconsciously_, I'm James's world. And two, the sight of you simply _talking_ to _anyone_ that's not Sirius Black puts the biggest frown on Black's face. I think James knows it too because one time I saw him _punch_ Black to get his attention back from watching you hand an assignment to McGonagall. That almost made me more ill than the revelation that I'm James's entire world. If Sirius Black is in love with anything else besides his own reflection, it's you. And if you haven't noticed that yet, you're not as smart as I give you credit for."

Emboldened by that speech, Remus brought his face down closer to Lily's and whispered, "Are you going to admit that James is your world too and end this whole ordeal?"

"Are you going to water the seed I just planted in your head and start one?"

They both nodded.

"Meeting adjourned then." Lily squeezed Remus's face and brought her hands down. "Speaking of seeds, bad seeds, we have been followed since we started talking."

Remus followed Lily's eyes around his left shoulder to a bush where he could clearly see two black heads peeking up from.

"Before we end their misery, Remus-" Lily pulled his face back to her. "Thank you. You didn't really help me, but, just talking to you makes me feel better sometimes."

Remus just told Lily that he was gay and that he more than fancied one of his friends. "_I_ should be thanking _you_, really."

Lily shrugged and quickly kissed his cheek. "I know. And I'll pretend you did. Hello boys!"

Remus met James's eyes, tired to; they weren't really fixed on anything without red hair. "Lily! Fancy meeting you out here."

"Funny, huh?" Lily smiled, and sent teasing eyes towards Remus. "James, how about you and I walk to lunch and you can tell all about gardening. I assume that's what you were doing behind that bush?"

James stammered, but after a rough push from Sirius, followed Lily towards the castle.

"We were following you," said Sirius.

"Obviously."

"How was the meeting?"

"Interesting. How's the hair?" Remus didn't let Sirius answer because as soon as the question left Remus's mouth he grabbed Sirius's hand and pulled him back over to the bush. He was done with idle chit chat. There was a seed in his head and he was going to water it or dig it out.

The two kneeled down in the small hiding space. "Moony! What are you doing?"

"Gardening," said Remus. The he moved his head forward and kissed Sirius.

Sirius pulled back a tiny fraction and knotted his fingers into Remus's hair. "_That's_ what _I_ wanted to do before," he said and kissed Remus back.


	5. The Strawberry Moon

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, events and/or places that are recognized as being written and created by J.K. Rowling. J.K. Rowling owns all the characters and places from the Harry Potter books including the ones used in this story.**

A/N: Thanks to all you readers and reviewers:D

* * *

_June_

_Remus's Seventh Year at Hogwarts_

Sirius was over him. High above his head. Lying next to him on solid Earth. Around him. In his mind, on his tongue, under his skin, under his fingernails. Touching him. Beneath him. He was everywhere and no where and right there all at once. The fingers running down his spine, the words running through his mind, the blood pounding through his veins. He was on his every right and his every left blocking out the sun, the sky, the stars. He was a star. He was the only star for miles. Living in his pupils, living in his brain, living in his body. Sharing his body. Taking his body. He was inescapable. A cage, a trap, a warm place. Stretched out across Remus. Devouring him, living off of him. Destroying him and rebuilding him and destroying him again and again and again. Dazzling him, illuminating him. Thrusting him into darkness. Thrusting into him. Ending his world. Becoming his world. Taking his breath away.

Remus couldn't breathe. He inhaled and exhaled mouthfuls of dark hair and pushed at Sirius's chest. "Get up," he mumbled.

"_Erngng_." Sirius squirmed closer against Remus, trying to burrow into his neck.

"Please?" Remus exhaled raggedly. "I need oxygen."

"Not if I kill you," Sirius said. "Then you'd only need me."

That was the most stupid statement Remus had ever heard. It made him warm and tingly. His body couldn't feel more warm and tingly. He was lying naked with his numerous scars out for show and he couldn't care less. The night air was licking his sweat soaked skin with a hot tongue and he desperately needed to cool down.

Remus ran his fingers down Sirius's spine. "Killing me will only hurt yourself, Padfoot."

Sirius huffed hot breath against Remus's shoulder and rolled onto his back. "There," he said. "You turn my bones to jelly and then ask me to use them. That's just not right."

Groping blindly around for his wand, Remus thought of saying that actually he didn't do anything; he just kind of laid there, making noises any dignified, intelligent person should be ashamed of. He cast a cleaning spell over their bodies. Probably feeling the same cool stretch of dry skin, Sirius tucked himself against Remus's arm.

It was the first time they'd ever done _that_. With anyone. And it was good. It felt good. Their plan was to go to the Shrieking Shack to finally be alone after N.E.W.T.s and Quidditch and final hurrahs with James and Peter. But they didn't make it. At the edge of the forest, with Hogwarts still partially in view, Sirius stopped them and fell to his knees.

It was a perfect spot, Remus thought before he wasn't able to think anymore. They were in a semi circle of old trees with millions of points of lights twinkling above their heads and a gorgeous new moon lighting their bodies with a gray ethereal glow.

Remus could feel Sirius's fingers tracing tiny circles around his stomach as his eye lids tried to slide closed on him. "Sirius," Remus began, hoping to get Sirius to pull him back together.

"You hungry?" Sirius whispered into his elbow.

"Mmm." Remus suddenly became aware of the biting emptiness in his belly. He didn't eat much at dinner; too anxious and nervous about what he knew would be happening to him later.

Remus's eyelids closed finally and refused to open. Next to him, he could feel Sirius squirming and sliding his body up to a sitting position and grunting. He heard something large and obviously heavy being pulled across the grass.

"_Re_…_mus_…" Sirius called out in teasing tones.

Remus's eyes wouldn't open. They were glued shut or damaged or out of order. He couldn't remember feeling this tired outside a transformation night. His body felt like liquid lead. Remus's sense of smell, however, was still working and on a particularly deep inhale, a new scent struck his nose.

He could smell the muddy earth, and bitter grass, and dirt, and sex, and Sirius, but now he also smelled cocoa and sweetness.

Remus opened his eyes.

His entire vision was blocked by something plump and dripping what could only be chocolate. "What is that?"

Sirius's face flipped through a variety of positions before it settled on amused bewilderment. "It's a chocolate covered strawberry. What? Would you rather have a peach? Or a banana? I have those too?" Sirius turned to his side.

Remus picked his head up high enough to see a rather large picnic basket next to his hip that wasn't there before. He would have known if it was there before. If it was there before it would have gotten crushed or passionately kicked or mentally scared. "Where did you get that from?" Remus looked up at the branches over his head wondering if they discovered a new breed of tree, a Fruit-basket Tree, and how much money that would put into his unused bank account.

"I brought it," said Sirius. With a puff of strangled giggles, Sirius folded himself across Remus's legs. "Oh, silly Moony!" Sirius turned his head to the side, his glowing eyes making a path from Remus's knees, up across his body, and to his face. "Did you think this was _spontaneous_?"

Remus nodded.

Rolling up, Sirius began to crawl towards Remus. "Did you think I just couldn't wait to get you in my mouth? That I had to stop right there and then and have you?"

Remus nodded because that was what Sirius did. When it happened, with Sirius suddenly digging his nose into Remus's belly button, forcing him to hold onto a tree for balance, Remus wasn't thinking much about ulterior motives. "You planned this?" he whispered against Sirius's cheek.

"Yes," Sirius breathed into Remus's mouth. He started trailing his lips down the column of Remus's throat.

It had been a little over a year since they "started this whole thing", as James put it; mostly he asked "_who_ started this whole thing?" and eyed them with careful slit eyes. It was weird and perfect. Weird and perfect married together.

A whole year. And Sirius was everything Remus needed. James and Peter knew (the Marauder's oath: "Let no secret big or small be kept from your pack that means you Sirius Black") and wouldn't ever lose an opportunity to make fun of them. Sirius laughed them off and with his cool, collected shoving made Remus laugh them off too.

Sirius was Remus's best friend, boyfriend, now lover, potions partner, number one supporter, shoulder to lean on, and protector. Sirius was somehow capable of being everything in the world. Funny, an idiot, smart, handsome, a git, an arrogant jerk, cuddly, submissive, messy, loving, mean, sexy, thoughtful and thoughtless. But, Sirius Black, even when he was Sirius Black Ladies Man, (though technically Sirius's ladies count was up around two, _maybe_ three), was never this. He was never…

"Since when are you romantic?" Remus laughed.

Sirius sprang up onto his knees. "I can be romantic!"

"Sirius." Remus rose up onto his elbows. Slowly, his bones were starting to reform themselves under his clammy skin. "For Valentine's Day, you gave me an envelope with four Galleons in it."

"Hey!" Sirius pointed an accusing finger at Remus's nose. "I drew a heart in the corner of that envelope."

"For my birthday, you gave me bath soaps and a note that said I'd like you better if you smelled like this."

Sirius had the decency to hide his smirk for a couple of silent seconds. Clearly he thought it was funny to tell someone you snog every free moment that in actuality they reeked.

"What about me, huh? What did you give me for Valentine's Day?" Sirius dropped his butt onto the grass and sunk his teeth into a ripe strawberry, streams of chocolate making patterns down his hand and arm.

There was nothing in the world that could make Remus want to bring that up again. He draped his arm over his face. With that damn giant moon beaming reflected sunlight at them, there was no hiding his blushing cheeks. "I," he started in a quiet voice. "I got you kissing dogs. These two stuffed dogs. That kissed. That kissed when you put their mouths together. And they were stuffed. And, um, they, they might have been pink I don't remember."

"Yes," said Sirius. "Yes, they were pink."

It was the worst mistake of Remus's life. OK. Maybe getting bit by Fenrir Greyback was the biggest mistake of Remus's life, but nevertheless, his Valentine's gift for Sirius was a close second. He went shopping with Lily that was the first error of judgment. He went shopping with Lily and he saw those two dogs and showed them to her as a joke. They were a _joke_. But Lily, fresh from her Big Talk of Major Revelations with James went nuts over them. "Oh! Get them! He's a dog and you're a wolf and oh those are perfect. BUY THEM RIGHT NOW!" So Remus did. And he tried so desperately to give it to Sirius in private but who wants privacy with their boyfriend on Valentine's Day and Sirius opened the gift in front of James and Peter and then they all had a bonding moment peeing themselves laughing.

Remus repeated the thing he said to Sirius before, over the howling and the screeching and the snorting. "It was sort of romantic."

"It was sort of womanly," said Sirius this time, reaching into his basket and pulling out another large strawberry. He made it dance up Remus's stomach and chest, leaving dots of chocolate and red juice along the way. He poked Remus's lips with the end of the fruit and Remus opened his mouth allowing Sirius to push the berry past his teeth and against his tongue. It tasted delicious. The ripe, tartness of the strawberry tangled with the cool sin that was chocolate. Remus's teeth bit down and sucked the berry from Sirius's fingers. Sirius was breathing hard on Remus's skin as he lapped up the chocolate sauce and strawberry juice path he made. His tongue danced across Remus's rib, up to his nipple, over his collarbone, around his Adam's apple. With no more fruit, Remus was simply sucking on Sirius's sticky fingers, but then Sirius removed them for his own mouth. They kissed and it was hungry and Sirius tasted like strawberries and so much better than strawberries and almost as delectable as chocolate. Remus couldn't remember how he ever lived without that.

Sirius pulled his face away to breath and then let it fall back down onto Remus's shoulder. "What brought this romantic side out anyway?" asked Remus. He was completely covered by Sirius like a human blanket.

"It's our last night at Hogwarts," whispered Sirius. Remus felt Sirius's long nails scraping his sides and then piercing his skin as they dug in to his hips. Remus could always tell when Sirius needed comforting. Even though he didn't understand why Sirius was feeling like that, Remus wrapped his arms around the firm body and held on for dear life. "It's going to be hard to not see you everyday."

Remus's eyebrows shot up. "You're not going to see me everyday?"

"No," whimpered Sirius. "I mean, yes, but not like how it is at Hogwarts.

I'll be in my flat and you'll be at Mother and Father Lupin's."

Remus's eyebrows left his face. "I will be?"

"Where else are you going to be?" asked Sirius, tipping his head to the side, trying to look up at Remus's face.

Remus didn't want to say it out loud. He'd didn't want to be the one to have to say it out loud. But, he also didn't want to be with Mother and Father Lupin as Sirius referred to them pretending he wasn't in love with his male best friend, pretending they were wrong and he wasn't a werewolf. He, Remus, thought that he _was_ moving. He already had his mum pack his things up into boxes so that he could transport them to their new home. His new home. With Sirius. Remus didn't want to be the one to invite himself to live with Sirius. He wanted Sirius to ask him.

Remus poked Sirius's tailbone. "Hmm," he said. "Where _else_ would I be?"

Sirius rose up and glared down at Remus. "You got a job. Oh my God, you got a job in Paris or worse and you're moving. You're moving. You're moving away. You're moving."

Remus met Sirius's eyes. "I'm moving."

Sirius inhaled a lungful of air and made Remus want to laugh. "Where?" he exhaled. "Where? Because…I can't believe this. Where are you moving?"

Remus shrugged. "Where am I moving?"

Sirius swung his leg over Remus to properly straddle him and grabbed his shoulders. "Where?"

"Where?" repeated Remus.

"That's what _I'm_ asking _you_," shouted Sirius. "No wait. Don't tell me." Sirius started frantically running his fingers through his hair. Then he grabbed a strawberry and shoved it whole into Remus's mouth.

"Mwa da fwah hor ywo omin!"

"Shut up, Remus. I knew those strawberries would come in handy."

It happened, Remus thought, strawberry juice filling in the corners of his mouth. Sirius had finally lost his mind. James always said one day it would happen.

"I need you to not talk for one second," continued Sirius. "I should have done this over holidays when Prongs told me I should and I didn't because I thought it was too early and now my life is ruined. Remus Lupin, I don't care if you've been made President of a sheep farm in New Zealand-"

"_Mwa?_"

"Whatever fucking job you got quit it. Because if you move away from me I'm going to fucking Adava Kedavra myself. I want you to move into my flat. I want to wake up with your cold toes on my knees and I want to trip over your ugly brown loafers and I want you to make sure I don't burn the place down and I want you to be right here-"

"In between your legs?" interrupted Remus, strawberry swallowed.

Sirius, with lightning quick movements, shoved another into Remus's smiling mouth.

"I want you to be right here _at all times_. So, please for the love of Merlin, move in with me?"

Remus swallowed and felt all nine hundred tiny strawberry seeds scrape down his esophagus. "That's where I'm moving," he said.

Sirius looked over his shoulder "What? You're moving to the Forbidden Forest."

If Sirius had robes or a shirt or anything on besides skin Remus would have grabbed it and used to shake some sense into his boyfriend. "You idiot. I was already _planning_ on moving into your flat."

"You were?" Sirius's face lit up.

"Yes. I thought…well, I assumed it was common sense that I would be moving in with you."

Sirius giggled and pushed his face back were it belonged; under Remus's chin. "Common sense. I don't have any of that." Remus laughed. "It's Prong's fault really. He thinks everyone needs to propose to make things official."

"That's sort of womanly of him."

Sirius kissed Remus, laughing into his mouth. He kicked the picnic basket on accident and it slammed to its side, strawberries tumbling out onto the grass. Sirius pulled his mouth away from Remus, and grabbed something for the inside of the fallen basket.

Remus smiled and watched Sirius dip his fingers into the bowl of chocolate. He was savoring these first moments before the talk of rent and personal space and ownership and reality actually came up.

"First rule for our flat," said Sirius. His chocolate covered hands hovered over Remus's chest. "Less attempts at romance. And more of this." Sirius's hands and body and mouth went back to work.


	6. The Buck Moon

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, events and/or places that are recognized as being written and created by J.K. Rowling. J.K. Rowling owns all the characters and places from the Harry Potter books including the ones used in this story.**

* * *

_July 28, 1980_

"OK." Remus crossed his legs. "Does everyone have their list?"

"No, Moony," said Sirius, smiling. "No one else made a list. I told you no body other than you was going to make a list."

Remus folded his list and spent an awful lot of time creasing the edges. "This," he started in a low, rumbly voice. "This is a very important decision we are helping them make. Very important decisions...require lists."

"There _is_ no decision, Moony," shouted James. "I'm naming the baby Snitch! Snitch Potter. And if he's a girl that'll be even better because then I will hex Lily and make the baby's name _Golden_ Snitch Potter."

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're joking right? Some Deatheater must have stolen your sanity." James flipped him two fingers. "What if your child doesn't like Quidditch, or is bad at it?"

James sucked in a blast of air and pointed at Remus. "Blasphemy!"

"_I _made a list, Remus." Peter waved a dirty napkin in front of his face. Remus smiled. If it wasn't for Peter's odd quietness and rather unclean appearance and really _really_ bad hair, Remus _would_ have to say that he probably chose the wrong friend to commit himself to. But, he kept his mouth shut; not wishing to press his luck.

James scowled and sat back on the couch he was sharing with Sirius. "Go ahead, Wormtail. Let's hear it."

Peter shook his napkin out. "I have Robert, Winston, Michael, Harry, Vincent, and Nathan."

James's scowl never left his face. "Winston? Winston Potter? No. No to all of those. I didn't hear _one_ that was better than Snitch."

"I like Michael. That's on my list too," said Remus. "Michael Potter. That's a nice name."

"Sounds faggy," said James.

"You can't tell that from a name!" Sirius smacked James in the chest, and turned slightly to look at him. "Does _Sirius_ sound like a faggy name?"

James laughed. "Yes! And look what happened!"

Lily and James could not decide on a name for their baby. And they had three days left before the baby's name became Potter. Lily came up with a brilliant idea, (she thought), which was that _she_ would pick the name for a girl and let James pick the name for a boy. They did a promising charm on each other that they wouldn't veto the other person's choice no matter what, and if they did, the one that broke the promise would change all dirty diapers for the entire year.

When James told Lily his pick, she went running (well not _running_, she couldn't _run_ in her state; it was more like fast-paced hobbling) to Sirius, begging him to make James change his mind.

Then she calmed down and begged Remus instead.

Lily's choice was Violet Jamie. Remus hoped their baby turned out to be a girl because being named after a purple flower was so much easier to deal with than a tiny sports ball.

Remus took Peter's list from him, careful not to touch any of the unidentifiable stains, and placed it on James's coffee table. "Let's start from the beginning," he said. "James, why did your parents name you James?"

"I don't know," said James, looking puzzled. "I never thought of asking them." James stopped talking and looked down at his lap. The subject of his parents was still kind of hard for him to bring up. Sirius squeezed James's knee "Why did yours name you Remus?" asked James, looking up.

"Because they must have hated me," laughed Remus. "No. My mum thought it was clever. Lupin means wolf. Remus was one of the roman twins raised by a wolf. I've pinpointed the moment my life was cursed to the day she chose to name me after the twin that was _murdered_. Cursed."

"You're not cursed, Moony!" Sirius got up from his couch and in two fluid steps curled up on the arm rest of Remus's chair. He started squirming around, stuffing his hand into the tight pocket of his even tighter jeans.

"I thought Moody told you to not wear those pants anymore because they slow you down in a battle? Because you can't bend your knees properly and you look indecent were his words I think," said James.

"Yeah, but he meant sexy." Sirius huffed and finally managed to squeeze a flattened roll of parchment from his pocket. "Want to hear _my_ list?" He smirked and let the roll of parchment unfurl in front of Remus's face.

Remus's eyes glazed over.

"Padfoot's getting laid tonight," said Peter. He turned to James and pretended to vomit over the side of the chair.

"Why are there lists?" asked James. "You said-" James inhaled and made his voice raise at least ten octaves. "_No body other than Remus is going to make a list, Prongs_. Sirius said that."

Sirius shrugged. "I just kept coming up with names! I had to write them down because remembering them all made my brain hurt." Sirius's list had fallen past Remus's knees, onto the floor where it rolled under the coffee table and bunched up against James's left foot.

"Padfoot!" Peter bent down and lifted a part of the list up. "How many named did you come up with?"

"Three hundred and thirty-one, and a half."

"A half?" asked Remus, looking up at Sirius.

"I ran out of ink on the last name."

James picked up the parchment and moved it through his fingers until he reached the end. "Zorbi...What name could possibly start with Zorbi?"

"Zorbington. Nice regal name."

"From what planet?" asked Peter, from under the table. "Did you put these in alphabetical order?"

Sirius shook his hair out so that it fell like a dark curtain over his cheeks. "Made for better organization."

"Sirius." Remus dragged his eyes across Sirius's list. He just read Adington, Arishington, and Bobbington. "Just because you add _ington_ on to the end of a series of random letters doesn't make it regal or even a name."

Sirius grabbed his list from Remus. "They're not all like that." His finger trailed down the parchment. "Ah! Here we go. Arcturus."

James's head snapped up at that. "Arcturus?"

"Yes."

"What the fuck is that?"

"Arcturus is a star in the Boötes constellation. It means bear guard."

There was a round of good thorough silence. Then laughter. James dropped his end of the parchment. "Arcturus Potter? Yeah, I'll say no thank you to borrowing names from the House of Black. You're all basket cases."

Sirius grabbed the closest thing he could reach, which happened to be a spool of red yarn, and lobbed it at James's head. He had a big head so little aim was needed. "I'm not a Black anymore," said Sirius, dropping his head onto Remus's shoulder.

"Sorry," said James. "You Lupins are all basket cases."

"Hey," objected Remus. "You didn't even hear _my_ list, yet." Remus stuffed his list into his pocket. It was rather small and pathetic next to Sirius's novel of names.

"Padfoot, be honest." Peter moved back into his chair, pulling some of Sirius's list with him. "You didn't just decide to make a list because you were coming up with too many names. You sat down and made a list on _purpose_."

Remus looked up at Sirius just in time to see his gaunt twenty-two year old cheeks turn rosy pink. "What was the first name you thought of?" asked Remus. He was completely unable to keep the soft loving tone from his voice. It was hard to stop that when Sirius was so close with a red hot embarrassed face.

"Why is Winston on your list too?" exclaimed James. "I hate that name." James moved through the list. "I'd rather name my son...Scutum? No, I'll go back to Winston. What's a scutum?"

"It's a constellation," said Remus, shaking his head. Sirius could scrape as much of the Black family away from him as possible, but Remus knew that there were some traditions Sirius couldn't escape no matter how much he hated them. He prodded Sirius's thigh. "Go on, Sirius. What was the very first name you thought of?"

"Fawn," said Sirius immediately. "Cue dead silence," he added, laughing.

"Fawn," repeated James. "Let me-" He straightened his back and leaned forward across the low table set up between his couch and the chair weighed down by Remus's and Sirius's joint 200 pounds. "When someone asks you to think of a name for their baby who will possibly be a _BOY..._the first name you say is Fawn?"

"No. It depends on who's asking me." Sirius slid off the armrest and onto Remus's knee so that he could face James head on. "When _you_ asked me, I thought of Fawn."

James's face coiled up in complete confusion. He held his hands out like he gave up on understanding anything.

"Oooooooooh!" Peter started laughing; wild guffaws of laughter. "I get it! James, you don't get it? I got it before _you_? Because I got it! I got it before James Potter!"

"Someone kill him," said James, glaring at Peter. "What is there to get?" he asked, turning back to Sirius.

Remus snuck his head around Sirius's side. "Think for a second, James. Fawn." James Potter was a lot of things; and one of them was smart. He _was_ smart. Sometimes, though, he got so caught up with his own stubbornness to get his way or find an answer that he didn't think about anything else.

James stared at Remus. Then. "Oooooooooh! Because I'm a _stag_!"

"Yes," Remus, Sirius, and Peter said together.

"But-"

"But," Sirius interrupted James. "But, then I said to myself, Sirius, Fawn is not nearly a manly enough name for a boy that's going to be _your_ godson. So, then I thought of Buck."

James smiled. "Hmm...I kind of like this theme of naming the baby after me in an indirect way so that no one will realize how vain I actually am. Buck Potter. Not as great as Snitch..."

"No, Prongs," said Sirius. "What does Buck rhyme with?"

"Oh." James smiled wider.

Remus cleared his throat. "Actually, if you replace the see and kay with two tees and _then_ add the bad word that Buck rhymes with, it becomes even more inappropriate."

Sirius twisted around on Remus's knee. "Of course my Moony's brain goes right there." He pinched Remus's cheeks. "I'm so proud of you! If we have a son, we're going to name him Little Remus."

"Do I have to point out how many ways that doesn't make sense?"

"We'll figure something out," said Sirius. He turned back to face James, and patted Remus's other knee, the one he wasn't crushing. "We'll discuss this later."

Remus already had plans to put that conversation off until it was far too late.

"So," continued Sirius. "After Buck I thought of Fawn again and then I thought of Spawn and then I though of Demon and then I thought of Jack for some reason and then Adam and then they just kept hitting me like mind hexes. Like hexes to my mind."

James laughed. "Pads, I really appreciate the effort, but…Walter?"

"Stop looking at double-u." Sirius tried to rip the long list from James's hand. Peter grasped onto it.

"Oh! I like this one James," he said. Remus buried his face against Sirius's shoulder blade with silent laughter. With Peter's delightfully lit up face and protruding belly, and the way James was now carefully leaning towards him, Remus couldn't help but imagine that it was _Peter_ having James's baby and how terribly gross that would be. It was also funny on a personal level; because if through some higher planning the four of them were all gay for each other, and he got Sirius, then maybe he _wasn't_ cursed.

"Moony," giggled Sirius. "What's wrong with you?"  
"Leo," announced Peter. "Leo Potter! That's an awesome name, especially since he comes from a family of Gryffindors and will probably be one himself too."

"Leo," said James, testing the name on his tongue. "Like. A. Lion," he added, pointing at Peter. "Leo James Potter."

"Why not Leo _Sirius_ Potter?"

"I love you, Padfoot. But, no." James sat back in his chair. "I think we have a winner. Do you think Lily'll like it?"

"I'm sure I won't. So, let's here it." Lily came wobbling into the sitting room.

"God, your wife is _huge_!"

"Sirius? Must you say that every time?" sighed Lily. She tried to balance herself on the side of the chair Peter was sitting on. After Lily's two attempts at not falling over, Peter got up and made her sit properly. "Thank you. Peter? Its 98 degrees outside! Aren't you hot in those long robes?"

"No," Peter answered immediately. "I'm-"

"Wormtail's always cold," interrupted Sirius casually. "He practically wears his entire wardrobe every winter. Tell her the _name_ Potter!"

James cleared his throat and looked at Lily from over his glasses. "Leo," he said.

Lily bit her lip. Remus watched with amusement as James's ego deflated. "I like it," she said.

"But."

"But…I thought we'd go for something a little more…common."

James held up Sirius's list. "Well, we have three hundred and thirty-"

"And a half," Sirius jumped in.

"-names to go through."

Lily laughed. "Well, we'll have to continue later. Dumbledore needs to have a meeting with us, James. Sorry boys. He says it's really important that he speaks to us right away."

Remus pushed Sirius off his lap and stood up. "That's alright," he said, though it wasn't. Things were getting darker and darker those days. It seemed that most of the times the four of them got together it was to go to an Order meeting or stop a Deatheater attack. It didn't seem fair. That wasn't how their post-Hogwarts life was supposed to be. Remus relished the times like the one they just had; where they just sat around, talking and laughing, not worrying about anything else in the world. It didn't happen very often, anymore. "Floo us later, yeah?"

"Yeah," said James. Sirius grabbed James's arm and made him walk with him to the door. Remus turned to wave to Lily, but she was looking down at Peter's dirty napkin list of names. She tilted her head to the side eyes still on the list, and smiled brightly.

"See you later, Moony," said James, patting Remus's shoulder.

"Bye." Remus stepped out onto the porch next to Sirius.

"Wormtail's gone. Mumbled something and apparated," said Sirius, shrugging. He smiled and grabbed Remus's hand. "Walk home?"

"_Walk_ home?" Remus pointed rather stupidly at Sirius's gleaming black bike, leaning up against a tree on the Potter's lawn. Remus didn't feel up to walking, and riding that death trap was the less of two evils.

"Walk a little and then fly home?" corrected Sirius with a slight laugh.

Remus squeezed Sirius's hand, and they left the Potter's porch. "Moony?"

"Padfoot?"

"If I ever wanted a little brat of our own, we'd have to name him Alphard."

Remus brought their joined hands up and kissed Sirius's thumb. Leave it to his Sirius to go from annoying git to sweet in point two seconds. "You mean you wouldn't name him Buck Lee Black, or Buck Stew Black?"

Sirius laughed and shook his head. "Buck Stew Black-_Lupin_."


	7. The Sturgeon Moon

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, events and/or places that are recognized as being written and created by J.K. Rowling. J.K. Rowling owns all the characters and places from the Harry Potter books including the ones used in this story.**

* * *

August 1965 – Remus is 6 years old.

Remus stood in the small sitting room of his home. And stared out the window. It was August, high noon, and the sun was dazzling the world.

The grass had never looked so green. The tree tops waved at him, rocking gently in a warm summer wind. And just over the small hill, he could see the pond, glistening clear blue in the distance.

Remus was sad. His favorite part of summer was playing in the pond, with the ducklings and the dragonflies and the fishies. He could almost see them all from his window, going on without him.

Normally, in the summer, his mother would sit up on the hill with her sewing, letting Remus run around barefoot at the edge of the pond. Then she'd call him back up for lunch and they would eat outside. Sandwiches always tasted better outside. And if it was raining, his mum would set up an oversized umbrella, and they'd eat with droplets of rain hitting their man-made roof and hitting the ground around them and splashing the surface of the water.

Sometimes, if Remus was extra special good, (and Remus was always extra special good), his mum would let him go outside at night. And if his father was home from one of his business trips, Remus would sit on his lap and his father would tell him the names of the stars and constellations. He'd tell him about magic.

Remus couldn't wait to do magic.

Remus sighed, the tiny defeated sigh of the young, and squashed his nose against the window pane. He didn't understand what happened. Why his mum wouldn't let him play outside anymore.

He tried to remember if he did something bad. The first thing he did when school was finally over, was go to the library. He took out a handful of books that were so heavy his mum had to carry them home. But, she didn't seem _mad_. She even stopped to buy Remus an ice lolly and it was really good and made his mouth really red.

Then when they got home, after he washed his face, his mum allowed him to sit outside and read.

That was the last time.

When he came in, three books finished and night draped around the world, his mum grabbed him. She hugged him, and Remus didn't know if anything was wrong but nothing was right. And his mother was crying. He asked her what was the matter, but it only made her cry more.

And his father was at the table, looking into his cup of tea. Remus called out to him, asked him why mum was crying. His father told him not to worry. And not to ever go outside again.

It was like he was slapped. He started crying too. Asking what he did. Asking why. But his father just shook his head, and his mother wrapped her arms around him so tight he thought he was going to stop breathing.

It was August now. And Remus hadn't been to the pond or the hill once. When his mum had to go to town, he would beg and beg, and she let him come with but they didn't wander like they used to, and they didn't stay out for long.

Remus was the sweetest, most polite boy for miles. Everyone in town thought so. The old woman who owned the grocery store always told him how quiet and charming he was, and gave him free candy because he didn't cause trouble like those other boys.

After he was banned from going outside, he tried to be even more good. He was an angel. Never talked unless spoken to, and always mindful of his manners. Sometimes it hurt to be that good, even for him. But he did it. Everyday. And it never made a difference.

Remus did his chores and did extra chores and made up chores to do. Last night, his mother found him alphabetizing the bookshelf. She patted his head and told him that she couldn't believe how smart he was. She said that one day he was going to do great things with that brain. Remus remembered smiling like the sun. Him mum kissed him and said that she would make him something special for supper. And Remus said he didn't want anything special, he just wanted to go play outside, couldn't he go play outside?

He watched his mother's mouth sink to a frown. Without moving her lips she told him no. She shook her head and said no.

Remus ran up to his room, and crawled under his bed, and cried because he didn't know what else to do.

It was getting dark out now. Remus refused to move away from the window. He didn't like being punished. He at least wanted to know what he was being punished for.

He didn't like that summer at all. His mother wasn't playful anymore. She seemed scared and jumpy. His father, when he was home, didn't ever talk. When his parents did talk, it was never talking. It was low murmured arguing and it always left one of them crying.

For the first time in Remus's short life, he wanted to run away from home. Go somewhere else, find a friend. A friend that would let him play outside.

The sky got real dark. Remus strained his eyes to catch a star. He found the brightest one and wished on it. Wished for it to bring him a true friend. He didn't know what to do.

"Remus?"

Remus didn't move from the window.

"Baby. It's time for bed."

Remus looked over his shoulder at his mother. "I'm not tired," he said.

She sighed, wiped her hands on her apron. "Well I am, Remus. And your father is already sleeping. You can't stay up all night."

"I'm not tired." He looked away from his mother and back out the window. He felt his mother's warm hand touch the top of his head.

"Remus." She sighed again. "Don't stay up too late, OK? You can stay here, but I don't want to find you sleeping on the floor in the morning."

Remus nodded.

His mother bent down, kissed the top of his head, and reluctantly left.

Remus was all alone.

Remus was a good boy. But he was frustrated. And he was sad. The scene he'd been staring at for hours was now colored in dark shades, and twinkled with low stars, and a bright full moon.

He listened. His parents bed, up above his head, creaked and groaned and then settled into silence.

This wasn't easy for Remus. He didn't do bad things. He didn't like getting in trouble. He stood at the window for minutes. It wouldn't hurt to go out for just a little bit, he thought. And not far, he thought. I won't go past the front tree, he thought.

_But mum said no. And no means no, she says. _

Remus stepped away from the window. He slowly walked to his front door. And when he opened the door a crack, just to peek, the smells of outside filled him up. Fresh grass, and pine, and mud.

Opening the door just a little bit more, Remus felt braver. A dragonfly flew past him, its wings beating heavily. Remus lunged for the bug, but it zoomed in a circle and then they were off. Remus, feeling better than he has felt all summer, chased the dragonfly all around the front yard, and up the hill, and down the hill, and to the edge of the pond.

Stopping to catch his breath, Remus looked over to his house. It was still there, he didn't go far. _See mum_, he thought. _See I didn't go far!_

Remus dabbed the edge of the pond with his toe. Tiny little fish, and bigger fish, and bottom feeder fish swam under the surface, darting around the place where his toe disrupted the surface.

Remus Lupin never disobeyed his parents. He bent down, sticking his hands into the warm water, trying to grab a guppy or a sturgeon or a catfish or a shark. He knew that he shouldn't have been out there, breaking rules.

But he loved being outside. He loved all the animals.

Remus stood up. He heard a sound like leaves being rustled. Next to him, the bushes parted and a large creature sulked out. It looked like a dog, covered in dark gray fur.

Remus didn't like _this_ animal. He started backing up, slowly making his way up the hill.

The dog hummed, eyes locked on Remus. It was smiling.

Remus's sweet, six year old mind, scared like never before, promised to never break rules again.

* * *

John Lupin turned around in bed, facing his wife. There was distance between them ever since he told her about Fenrir Greyback's sickening promise. "Hi love," he whispered into the darkness of the room. "Remus in bed?"

"He said he wasn't tired," she yawned. "I let him stay downstairs. I feel so bad for him, John."

"You...?" John catapulted from his bed like its springs suddenly became piercing knives. "You left him by himself? It's a _full moon_," he shouted, as he searched the floor for his shirt.

"He's inside. In the sitting room. He's...he wouldn't..."

They both ran down the stairs, knowing, praying that Remus was going to by the front window and that he'd look up at them with those big golden brown eyes like they've lost their minds.

But when they got to the bottom stair, they saw the front door open. And then they heard the scream.


End file.
